One year ago today I gave birth to two precious baby boys. We held them tight for three beautiful hours before they left this mortal life to return home. It was such a special day. But it was also horrible. I had my feet kicked out from underneath me. My dreams were dashed. I felt like my life was over.
I still have many of the same sad feelings that I felt in those early months. In fact, over the past year I've experienced so many different feelings. Sometimes those feelings were pretty, and sometimes they weren't - but that's life and I won't apologize for it. I won't apologize for feeling so mad when I became part of that small statistic of mothers to lose their babies at 19 weeks. I won't apologize for feeling so abandoned when I miscarried not only once, but twice after losing my boys - once at 8 weeks and once at 12 weeks. Each pregnancy had its own unique complication, and I'm tired of being that one-pregnant-woman-in-a-thousand to have "such-and-such" happen. It's very emotional and frustrating. Yet through it all, I'M STILL STANDING.
Heavenly Father has sent angels upon angels to comfort me. I would like to think some of those angels were family members who have passed on - but I know for certain a lot of those angels were YOU, my friends and family who have rallied around me and supported me. I just want to say, "Thanks."
I just keep telling myself that this is all part of Heavenly Father's Plan. Tough plan, albeit. But everything will be perfect in the end.
And when I am holding my baby boys again, everything will be perfect.
23 comments:
Thank you for sharing those pictures with us. You are right, the Lord's plan is perfect. As I sit here and cry my eyes out from the video I think how glorious it will be when everyone is reunited again and we can hug the loved ones who have passed before us.
Here is a virtual hug from me to you. 'squeeze' I will never forget.
Jenny, you are amazing and I love you. I admire your strength, courage, and unfailing testimony of Jesus Christ.
That was a wonderful, sweet, heart wrenching reminder on this the first anniversary. I too have shed so many tears as I remember that experience. Thanks for sharing with us all.
As soon as I read the title of your post I knew reading it while at work wasn't smart. Yet I read and watched and cried. Love you Jenny.
You are amazing ... love you:)
We are so blessed to have the gospel in our lives. It helps to give us the strength to exist day to day, especially after heartache. The slide show was beautiful. We love you and your family.
You are such an amazing woman! Through your experience you will be able to help others. They will see how strong you have been and know that they can be strong too. Love you!!
Jenny that was such a neat post...brought tears to my eyes. Your testimony is such a great example to me. Those boys are so lucky to have you as their eternal mother.
That was beautiful, Jenny. Thanks.
Thank you for sharing those pictures and thoughts with us. You guys are amazing people. I loved the slideshow.
That was amazing. Thank you for sharing it with us. I'm sure it was so hard for you. I love that last picture of Lilly, so sweet.
Seriously, I could watch this twenty times a day, and cry through it every time! It was so beautiful, and perfect, and I am glad that Gus made it, because it makes it so much more special. Thanks for sharing it. I don't know how anyone could read your words and watch the slideshow, and not feel the spirit. I love you so much. Can't believe it's been a year. It seems like yesterday!
Oh crap. I am a bad friend. I am so sorry you miscarried again. I will give you a call very soon. You are amazing and I love you.
Oh crap. I am a bad friend. I am so sorry you miscarried again. I will give you a call very soon. You are amazing and I love you.
Oh crap. I am a bad friend. I am so sorry you miscarried again. I will give you a call very soon. You are amazing and I love you.
Uh, I didn't post that five times. I promise.
I feel I must apologize for Janae's lack of good commenting. hahaha.
You are a wonderful example Jenny. I know it has to be hard... thank you for sharing your experience. Like you said it is special and it is horrible.
Jenny,
My heart is full of love for you and your family the past week has probably been a rough one. I look up to you and your strength to make it through the last year. You truly are amazing. I had my baby on July 14th, and after watching your video and just putting myself in your shoes I can't even imagine. Jenn I love you and wish we could get together more. Thanks for sharing your experience it really puts things into perspective in life. You are one strong woman! Hope your doing ok, call sometime lets play catch up!
Hi Jenny-we have been thinking of you. I did remember the date..the boys are not forgotten.
Coming late to this post and I don't know if you will read this...but I wanted to say that the last picture of Lilly kissing the grave had me in tears. I have been thinking of you and your sweet boys.
I am so sorry for all of your losses. I didn't know about your other miscarriages. I can relate...unfortunately. I can only pray that the Lord blesses you with another child in this lifetime. I can tell you both are wonderful parents and deserve the best!!
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